I went back to Facebook. Had to connect some people. I guess there is always a reason to go back to Facebook.
Nevertheless, Multiply, here I am again (again). But just for a wee peek back in.
Older, wis-
...no, just older. In fact, perhaps you could say younger. Some things change, some things stay the same and others come rightbackatcha. Blast from the past.
Being in charge of my own time, for instance. Toby's Sports. Racket-ing. That will be over shortly, but here I am, master of myself. Of course, that's without a paycheck, but what is money anyway? Money is a means to an end.
This means that the end of Volume T-1 has arrived, and a new Volume, Volume T is beginning. I suppose this would be the preface.
As the moon rises over Paris (how cheesy does that sound?), and the... sounds... of sirens and motors assault me through my open window, and the silent rooftops float (darkness upon darkness) just outside the glass - as a cool breeze deigns to reach inside and touch me - I ask myself whether I really am hardened to life's contingencies. To the imminent curve-balls it will throw and trick shots it will take.
Because I thought I learned over the past year how to duck dodge dance Matrix Entrapment right through everything that might throw a spanner in the works - and believe me, the works is bursting with spanners - but I know better now. I know that ducking dodging dancing Matrixing Entrapmenting through life isn't about having learned how to do it. It's about always learning how to do it. It's a process. It's a way of thinking. And essentially, it's a way of just being.
Tomorrow, I think I'm going to do something unheard of - at least in the context of the little world called the past year of my life. But then again, maybe I won't. Whatever it is - or isn't - it will be beautiful.
So I'm back. In an irritated tizzy this morning, I deleted my FB profile. FB and I - we're done.
I had a read of some of my previous blog posts and noticed that:
1. I used to be eloquent and funny. What happened? Oh - I started an MBA that moves at the speed of light.
2. I write super cryptically sometimes - to the point where I read now and have no idea what I was talking about (and I used to write in proper English).
I said not so long ago that we manufacture 80% of our problems. I might've been full of shit, I might not have been. Either way, you sort of realize that everyone's got some sort of shitty situation going on, and some have it worse than others.
Way worse. My problems were nothing. I became livid when I found out. And I was spitting angry. Crying, impotently in a rage.
But just quietly, because when someone's on the mend, the last thing you want to do is rip open a wound.
There's nothing you can do about some things but live on. Life moves on, right?
Sure, life moves on, but sometimes justice doesn't keep up. Where's the justice in this?
How could someone crush such a beautiful spirit? And that's what's left - a shadow...
I couldn't tell you how I feel right now.
But believe me, if I knew where I had to go, I'd take the first plane out toting an array of blunt objects with which to stab a certain someone in multiple uncomfortable places multiple times.
1 juli 2009: italian with mike and sara, Roomers with the last of the mohicans, rainer and his internationals, the trouble with hello is goodbye, hangin around, the light show, hopes dreams and aspirations, irish pub with the german who speaks spanish - he didn't write, he didn't call... 17th consecutive night, The End
30 juni 2009: turkish, the mad dash across frankfurt, paparazzi photos, the last supper, sambuco with coffee bean, sambuca (aka lion's breath or something??), jewel tones, carmen and dave extraordinary (aka revisiting the 24h bar)
29 juni 2009: the Cloister lunch 250 g steak, shopping, dinner with the deutsche bundesbank boys - croatian food, h(emingway) lounge mojitos on the roof deck by the river near the old water processing plant, (re?)discovering night mode, flipbook photos
38 juni 2009: Me time!!! walking to yellow, vegetating on the banks of the Main, beer bike sighting, chillaxing on the banks of the Main, man letting his wife and daughter do all the paddleboat work, the sign of the 24 hour bar, monster strawberries, USA vs. Brazil not so boring after all, me longboarding (over a short distance), max, good bye to Jens my favorite german barkeep!!!!!
25 juli 2009: jose rizal, bonding with the locals, tour guy, bonding with more locals over footie in the platz, kulitan on the necker river, movie stars, beer tasting, pretending mafia, learning to brew, kulitan in the resto, the deutsche team
there are moments of freedom in which you really have to revel, because that split second of being free from the ugly parts of yourself may not last long - not longer than a moment - but they appear once in a while. it may be a fleeting consecutive night moment, but it exists, and you know it may be achieved. so to celebrate, you lift your hands to the heavens as you sway - drunk on perspective - and you cheer yourself on. you taste the sweetness of being. sin todo lo que tie you to the earth. a life in perfect dichotomy - the twin poles that pull you apart rest for just a breath... they co-exist in a strange and wonderfully curious co-habitation.
and for once you're whole.
alone, yes. slightly uncomfortable and awkward, yes.
but whole.
***
according to carlos from costa rica, there is a gypsy thing, which says "if you drink on monday night, you drink for the rest of the week."
***
now to face the problem of waking up in 4 hours and being fully switched on for at least 7 hours.
Traum von Amsterdam Der die Hoffnung nahm Allein in einer fremden Stadt Allein in Amsterdam
Traum von Amsterdam Der die Hoffnung nahm Allein in einer fremden Stadt Allein in Amsterdam
Heut' sag' ich, es war einmal Märchen voll Angst und Qual Elfen, Prinz und gute Feen War'n für uns nicht vorgeseh'n
Halt mich, hast du oft gesagt Wie? hab ich dich dann gefragt Liebe hat total versagt In Amsterdam
Komm wir fahren nach Amsterdam Ich weiß, dass uns nichts passieren kann Du und ich, wir ham's doch im Griff Dabei saßen wir längst auf dem sinkenden Schiff
Bleib doch, hab ich noch gesagt Wie? hast du mich dann gefragt Liebe hat total versagt In Amsterdam
Traum von Amsterdam Der die Hoffnung nahm Allein in einer fremden Stadt Allein in Amsterdam
Regenbogengold Haben wir gewollt Rote Rosen soll'n vom Himmel fallen Und nie verblüh'n
Komm wir fahren nach Amsterdam Es war klar, dass ich dich nicht halten kann Liebe hat sich den Starken gewählt Verloren, wenn man zu den Schwächeren zählt
Bleib doch, hab ich noch gesagt Wie? hast du mich dann gefragt Liebe hat total versagt In Amsterdam
Traum von Amsterdam Der die Hoffnung nahm Allein in einer fremden Stadt Allein in Amsterdam
Regenbogengold Haben wir gewollt Rote Rosen soll'n vom Himmel fallen Und nie verblüh'n
Traum von Amsterdam Der die Hoffnung nahm Allein in einer fremden Stadt Allein in Amsterdam
Regenbogengold Haben wir gewollt Rote Rosen soll'n vom Himmel fallen Und nie verblüh'n
Traum von Amsterdam Der die Hoffnung nahm Allein in einer fremden Stadt Allein in Amsterdam
Ich lieg gern im Gras und schau zum Himmel rauf, schaun die ganzen Wolken nicht lustig aus? Und fliegt n Flieger vorbei dann wink ich zu ihm rauf und bist du auch noch dabei, dann bin ich super drauf.
[4x]: Und ich flieg, flieg, flieg wie ein Flieger, bin so stark, stark, stark wie ein Tiger, und so groß, groß, groß wie ne Giraffe, so hoch. Wooo
Und ich spring, spring, spring immer wieder, und ich schwimm, schwimm, schwimm zu dir rüber, und ich nimm, nimm, nimm dich bei der Hand weil ich dich mag, und ich sag:
Heut ist so ein schöner Tag! lalalalala Heut ist so ein schöner Tag! lalalalala Heut ist so ein schöner Tag! lalalalala Heut ist so ein schöner Tag! lalalalala
The cathedral in Cologne, a gothic cathedral, is one of the largest in the world. Construction on the structure itself (some of the stained glass has been changed as recently as 30 years ago) began in 1248, and did not finish until 1880 (there were interruptions, mostly from lack of funding). Here are my pictures, and the official site.
I have not seen such a truly awe-inspiring sight constructed by man in a very, very long time. I can't remember the last time I entered a man-made place and was moved to tears by its beauty.
When I walked in from a gray, drizzly day (after almost having bitten it on the cathedral steps - thank God for my athletic reflexes), I was immediately humbled by the vast expanse of pure... space... overhead. As if I weren't already breathless by the majestic gothic exterior (and the near-injury experience), the vaulted ceilings and stained glass through which the glow of daylight was diffused made me have to sit down. And in the pews, as I took in the sights and the sounds of the space around me - the incredible architecture, construction and craftsmanship... the larger-than-life pipe organs seemingly suspended in the heavens... the network of apexes of the ceilling... the glow of the stained glass... the sculptures of saints... six centuries and more of painstaking work... - my heart cried. I was properly weepy. (I would have actually cried if our host hadn't summoned us to mass - in German - which was starting in a side chapel.)
From the start of construction to this very day, countless souls have moved in and out of that cathedral, each with his own immeasurable worth, wealth and sorrows... from emperors and kings to paupers and tourists. I felt small - so very, very small - and so very, very blessed.
Through the grace of God, man can accomplish such amazing and wonderful things.
21 Juli 2009: the ICE, loving koln, the dom inside out, pastry shop and berliners, city tour (roman, gothic, war time, flora und fauna from the comfort of the bus), party in the square, choco choco choco lindt, sidewalk sounds, capturing the dramatic moment - "missed the train"
20 juni 2009: schweize street party, u-station, "mass" vs. regular, finished, people people people, running into carmen and her hubby, the friends, more beer, an audi, with half greek / german, with the guy who comes from dirt, religion talk, manhole, old photo and sun rice.
